The Backside of the Desert

The Backside of the Desert

Moses is counting his sheep;

It usually sends him to sleep;

He’s watching them gambol and leap,

In the backside of the desert.

There’s Wally and Bully and Bill,

And Molly and Scully and Gill;

There’s Dolly and Woolly and Dill,

In the backside of the desert.

There’s no sign, however, of Norris;

He’s probably gone AWOL with Boris;

They’ve both got a soft spot for Doris,

In the backside of the desert.

“I’m tired. I’m eighty. I’m old;

I’m definitely catching a cold;

Why won’t my sheep do what they’re told,

In the backside of the desert?

What’s this? It’s a bush. It’s on fire.

The flames rising higher and higher.

It’s not burning out. It’s a pyre,

In the backside of the desert.

I think that I’ll go take a look.

Perhaps there’ll be something to cook:

A sand-crab, a raven, a rook,

In the backside of the desert.”

A voice: “You are on holy ground.

Take your shoes off.” Moses looks round.

Just a bush and some rocks up a mound,

In the backside of the desert.

“I have seen the distress of the Jews.

They are mine. They’re the people I choose.

Tell my children in Egypt this news,

From the backside of the desert.”

What God said caused Moses to worry.

He found himself all of a flurry;

His bowels turned inside him to slurry,

In the backside of the desert.

He started to stutter and stammer;

I’m afraid he forgot all his grammar;

His heart pumping like a jackhammer,

In the backside of the desert.

“I’m a failure. I failed when I ran.

My big brother’s surely your man;

And just who are you?” he began,

In the backside of the desert.

But his arguments cut him no slack

With the LORD. He went back

To give Pharaoh and Egypt some serious flak,

From the backside of the desert.

Alan R Garner 30/09/17 (for Bethany Prenton’s Ladies at Two)