ODBODS

ODBODS – Shards from the Pot

Ref. Yeshua bar Joseph – Carpenter of Nazareth

forwarding address Kepher Nahum

Sir,

Re your request for references: Twelve Disciples, may we tender the following information.

Peter, Simon – Leadership Candidate – under no circumstances could we recommend this man for a leadership role. He speaks without thinking; he acts without considering; he is subject to mood swings which suggest a bipolar disorder. His having two names points to a split personality. Do not appoint him to any leadership role.

His brother, Andrew, is a nice man, a very nice man, but portrays the characteristics of a squirrel – always bringing nuts to the party. If left unchecked, your team will be full of oddballs brought in by this man.

His best friend, Philip, is a follower, essentially a COPYCAT. Whatever Andrew does, Philip does, too. Wherever you find Andrew, you will find Philip. Better make sure you know exactly what Andrew is doing and where because Philip will be doing it, too. Two for the price of one.

Matthew is a renegade, a quisling and, worst of all, a reformed tax man. Do not trust him with your money. Do not let him keep a diary. He may well be a double agent.

The identity of Thomas the Twin is yet to be confirmed. It may well be that this is not Thomas at all but his twin brother. They are identical. I doubt if we’ll ever know. I doubt if he’s even sure himself. Everything about this man is open to question.

Simon the ‘Blow Up the Black Crows’ man is an accident waiting to happen. He causes trouble wherever he goes and likes nothing better than fomenting rebellion. His credit rating has been frozen. He owes money to everybody.

Nathaniel Bar–Tholomew is a sycophant. One swallow does not make a summer. He is prone to hasty statements and is known as a ‘yes’ man who will say whatever it takes to ingratiate himself with the powers that be. We would advise against taking him at his word.

As for the others, Thaddaeus goes by an alias – never a good sign. What is he hiding?

James the Less has a gigantic inferiority complex which is likely to issue in heavy duty counselling.

As for the Thunder Brothers, James and John, enough said. They could start a fight in a prayer meeting. Keep them both at arm’s length and separate them on all occasions.

We would, however, commend the man from Kerioth to your attention. A southerner with none of that northern bias and a degree in Business Studies and Economics. We unreservedly recommend that you appoint Judas Iscariot as your right-hand man and numero uno in your band of brothers.

Yours most truly,

S. Quint

Office of Disciples and Brethren Of Distinctive Service (ODBODS)

(With an appreciative nod to whoever wrote something similar before I did.

I wanted to use it with my youth group but couldn’t find the original and had to rewrite my own.

I’m sure yours was much better. Thank you and bless you. )