The Frog and The Bear and The Grunter

The Frog and the Bear and the Grunter

The Frog and the Bear, they went hunting

For salmon and honey and pie;

But they got tangled up in the bunting

And they ended up in a ’sty.

Where they met an old Porker called Grunter

Who was grunting and searching for truffles;

When the Frog said the Bear was a Hunter,

Well, the Pig had a fit of the snuffles.

It seemed that Old Grunter was rheumy;

He was wheezy and struggled for breath.

Of course, this had made him quite gloomy:

Meditating each day on his death.

Said Froggie, ‘You need a diversion:

To take yourself out of yourself;

Just think of it as an excursion,

A day trip – just for one’s self.”

So, Grunter said, “Thank you and please, please,”

As he snuffled his way up the road.

And Froggie shared half of his pie and cheese,

Explaining he wasn’t a toad.

But the Bear was more focused, and spotted

That a way through the woods was at hand

Through a thicket, all twisted and knotted,

So dense it was tough just to stand.

Then they heard in the brushwood, a wailing,

A keening, a crying, a grief.

They scoured the glade, Grunter trailing,

Till they came on an old Christmas wreath

Where a terrible struggle was witnessed:

A young Porker caught by the hoof

In the holly, and more than a bit-stressed.

In fact, he was raising the roof.

Our Froggie sat down with the Porker

And related some tales from The Pond;

Old Grunter pronounced him a Corker,

While Bear set to breaking the bond.

On the way home, they sauntered then capered,

While the Piglet looked dazzled and dazed.

Froggie spoke of how Porker ‘escapered’;

Old Grunter was simply amazed.

When they heard that the Porker was ‘sty-less’,

And had nowhere to truffle or wallow,

Old Grunter said: “Please, stay at my place.

You can bed down in my sow’s old hollow.”

Young Porker was chuffed to the gunnels;

He rocked and he rolled in the mud.

While Grunter began making tunnels

Named Brave Bear and Froggie the Good.

Then, Froggie and Brave Bear waved goodbye,

Saying what an excursion they’d had;

While the Porkers tucked into a Mud Pie

Eating twice as much food as they should.

Said Froggie, “I like an Adventure.”

Said Bear, “I’d say that turned out well:

Except for the thorn in my denture,

And, of course, that unspeakable smell.”

Said Froggie, “I recommend honey

Rubbed into the base of your tooth.

Ensure that the honey is runny.

Don’t mind about being uncouth.

And as for the smell, well, it won’t last for ever;

Already it’s starting to stale.”

THREE CHEERS FOR THE PORKERS, THE FROG AND THE BEAR.

And that is the end of the tale.

A Froggie Poem– finished 030924

A.R. Garner.

“Of course, it should say: ‘And that’s the end of the story.’

But it doesn’t rhyme.